05/03/25 , 10:12 PM.
life is so useless. so pathetic. i wanna fucking kill myself, but can i ? no. not yet. i'm supposed to live for people when i can't even live for myself. all i want is to be in their presence but i can't get what i want. i can never get what i fucking want. I DESEREVE TO GET WHAT I FUCKING WANT!!!
maybe not always, but just a little humility for me would be nice. being with them when im burnt out is all i want, and i dont want it to be over the fucking internet. i want it to be physical, i wanna fall into their arms after a long day and just fucking cry it out, they don't even have to say anything. i just wanna feel close in some way, and its the only thing i desire to feel with another human. actual closeness. human emotions, not what im told to feel towards the 'loved ones' in my life. true human emotions to the people i actually like.
"well what about your family?" cross that. "friends near you?" i hate when people who i dont consider very close touching me. i hate people who touch me when im not in love with them, whether it be platonic or romantic, but rarely ever is it romance. its mainly just obsession due to the fact i get so attached to when people are actually fucking nice to me that i latch and beg for more attention.
i think thats what i really want. attention from them. i sound selfish for saying that, i know i do, but i wanna be obsorbed in their worlds and have their attention every second of the day, but i cant. its not humanly possible.
im fucking selfish.
fuck you, world, truely fuck you.
05/04/25 , 3:53 AM.
Die Wunder dieser Welt werden dir geschenktGlück ist nicht käuflich, Sehnsucht bleibt unerreicht
Preisrätsel winken nimmersatt
Kein Mitleid für die Mehrheit
Kein Mitleid für die Mehrheit
Nihilistic mystics
Apostolic alcoholics
Messianic manics
Cataclysmic and prolific
In the age of super-boredom
Hype and mediocrity
Celebrate relentlessness
Menace to society
This is counter-culture from the underground
Eternal revolution, this is our sound
KMFDM, better than the best
Megalomaniacal and harder than the rest
Refuse is our inspiration
Terrorism - our trade
Sabotage and piracy
Chaos - our mental state
Mesmerizing, festering
Intended for the faint of heart
Cultish and anthemic
Until death us do part
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This is counter-culture from the underground
Eternal revolution, this is our sound
KMFDM, better than the best
Megalomaniacal and harder than the rest
Ohh... Ohh...
Ohh... Ohh...
Wenn der untergrund bebt ist die ordnung erschüttert
Der verrat an der seele macht leben ungesund
Mit unschlagbaren reimen werden wir uns vertreiben
Die zeit der langen weile bis zum grossen bums
Like a fiendish tropic virus
Spitting bile at all you whores
Razor-sharp tongue-in-cheek
Poking in your open sores
A wolf in sheep's clothing
The ultimate disgrace
Wrapped up as a gift of god
Exploding in your face
This is counter-culture from the underground
Eternal revolution, this is our sound
KMFDM, better than the best
Megalomaniacal and harder than the rest
Refuse is our inspiration
Terrorism our trade
Sabotage and piracy
Chaos our mental state
In the age of super-boredom
Hype and mediocrity
Celebrate relentlessness
Menace to society
This is counter-culture from the underground
Eternal revolution, this is our sound
KMFDM, better than the best
Megalomaniacal and harder than the rest
Megalomaniacal
Megalomaniacal
Megalomaniacal
Better than the best and harder than the rest
this song touches me on levels i'd never imagine, and i like it.
05/04/25 , 2:25 PM.
you ever make a pizza, all for yourself? yea, meeeeeee too..
i woke up at 1 pm today, n i just finished making pizza. nice shit, good shit. its fuckin taaaaasty... though, i cant help but wish that it was something that i'd have to really work for. i wanna bite down and have to struggle n gnaw on those bones, but noooo..... nooo no no no nooo no nooo NO!!!!!! CAN'T GET WHAT I FUCKIN WANT.
05/04/25 , 5:43 PM.
here's how to cook a pizza PROPERLY for those who wanna know...
1 -- set your oven to 425, but dont give it time to preheat
2 -- put your pizza in n' set it in for somewhere between 19-25 minutes
3 -- wait. maybe play DOOM 64 while you're busy...
4 -- once you hear the timer go off, go check on that shit!! gotta make sure the crust is a golden brown though, or else it aint good enough. if it aint fully cooked, set it in for another 2-4 minutes
5 -- after cooking a bit more (or if you perfected it first try, which i doubt), you take that bad boy out and cut it up on a cutting board HOT!!! the earlier the cut, the better
6 -- enjoy!! if you did what i told you to, it should be good enough to eat... unless you somehow ignored anything i said and its not cooked properlly, then youre just fucked.
how do you manage to fuck up a pizza??? you must be a horrible fuckin cook
05/05/25 , 6:22 AM.
morning guys!! yknow, i had a funny dream...
i was in a black empty hole.. just kinda sittin there, enjoying myself, n' i was in my coat!
thats all
n e wayyys.. the suns nice today. very brigte though... IT HURTS MY EYES!!!!! luckily, i have sunglasses!! YAY FOR ME! i get an excuse to wear my cool fuckin glasses without lookin 'weird'.. course id look weird when i wear what i want, same if i wear my trench coat outisde.. everyone'll look at me like im a FREAK.
stupid mother fuckers... cant deal with people who're different.. I FUCKIN HATE IT!!!
Y'KNOW WHAT I FUCKIN HAAAATE?? PEOPLE WITHOUT ANY CREATIVITY IN THEIR LIVES!!
EVERDAY, I SEE PEOPLE WITH THE WORST STYLES EVER!!!! JUST THE SAME FUCKIN OUTFIT, OVER AND OVER, AND THEY THINK THEY GOT THE RIGHT TO BASH PEOPLE WHO LOOK DIFFERENT? FUCK NO! YOU LOOK LIKE THE MOST BASIC MOTHER FUCKERS OUT THERE!! HOW COULD ANYONE WANNA LOOK LIKE YOU?!?? NYYYAAHHHHH, MAKES ME ANGRY... GRRRHHHH.... THEY ALL NEED TO GET A FUCKIN' LIFE AND STOP BEING SUCH NORMIES!
EVEN WORSE? WHEN THEY THINK THAT OTHER PEOPLE NEED TO BE EXPOSED TO IT TO, LIKE FUCK NO!! LET ME HAVE MY OWN INTERESTS, JUST CUS I LIKE TRENCH COATS N' YOU LIKE STUPID CROCS DOESN'T MEAN YOU NEED TO BASH ME FOR IT AND CALL ME A RETARDED COLUMBINER!! THOSE GUYS KILLED PEOPLE, I DONT WANNA BE LIKE THEM, TAKE THE HINT.
05/05/25 , 5:04 PM.
maaann.. todays been a day... so damn hot today... 28 celcius!! hot as hell! i was sweating while walkin home in my boots with a popsicle in my hand. it started metlin in my hand before i could even finish it! and i had JUST got it! man, i wish i was in a tundra right now... stupid hot weather.
and my backpack??? aoouhh.. my backpack... so heavy, so hard... so big...
HEHEHAAAAAHH!! THATS WHAT SHE SAID!!!
anywasy..... i really wanna be with my favorite people right now. god, what id do just to have a bottle of vodka, a pack of cigarettes and both of them with me < 3333 .... tis but a dream
i hope one day it wont be a dream and i can be with them before i blow my brains out
05/06/25 , 2:08 PM.
god im so tired...
i aint got the motivation fer nothin..
i just wanna fall over and die.. fucking die. back hurts, ankles ache, legs can't stop pointin inward and its killin my fucking body...
...hate my fucking legs.
...hate my fuckin hair...
...hate my fuckin feet...
...hate my fuckin stomach...
...hate my fuckin arms...
hate my fuckin EVERYTHING ... gunna starve myself fer a little while to feel better.
keep goin on, minifags
05/07/25 , 9:29 PM.
foods such a weird concept...
think about it. we need things to go inside our body to survive..
and if we dont have it? we die after getting skinny to where we eat ourselves from the inside out
i rememebr when i was at that point
theres days where i really wish i was there again
do you think i could achive it? achive that same empty feeling i had before? achive the hunger i yearned but never took?
as the scienctists say, to every hypothisis comes testing, and to every test comes an answer.